The Grand Theory on how Sun Microsystems is Killing the Human Race

Java technology- nay, the entire Sun corporation- is a conspiracy by aliens to annihilate life on Earth as we know it. Allow me to explain:

On the offical Sun Java Forum, members compete for points known as Duke Dollars (named after the truely awesome Java mascot Duke. He’s in on the conspiracy too). When someone posts a new question, that person can choose to assign Duke Dollars to the question. When another person answers their question, they award that person the Duke Dollars.

For a while, the system worked smoothly. If I recall correctly, no one else could see how many Duke Dollars you had. It was simply a private indicator of how helpful you were. But that all changed yesterday.

Yesterday, Sun implemented the Duke Stars program. Now, each member has a star next to their name- with bronze being the lowest ranking, then silver, gold, and platinum- indicating how many Duke Dollars they have. You may not think this is a bad thing. But it is.

You see, there are two major groups of people on the Sun forums: those who ask questions, and those who answer them. Most of the people who ask questions are high school or college CS students who are asking for help on their homework assignments, without having done much, or any, work to have solved the problem themselves. Typically, those who answer questions won’t give out answers to homework assignments; after all, how will people learn anything if we just give them the answers?

However, there is a major new incentive to answer questions: Duke Dollars. They existed before, but now everyone can see how many Duke Dollars you have. People want other people to know how helpful they are. This means that the value of Dukes has shot way up, and anyone who assigns Dukes to their question will probably get an answer ASAP. Students know this, and they’re already getting more homework answers.

So, what will happen if CS students aren’t made to work? The software industry will suffer. We will have tons of bad programmers in the work force, or maybe no programmers at all. Critical software that runs things like health care systems or automobiles will become broken. Without programmers, our society will eventually collapse.

This has been Sun’s plan all along. Make Java a standard so everyone uses it for their courses, give students a place to go for free answers, and flood the industry with bad programmers and computer illiterates. It’s such an elaborate scheme, they didn’t think anyone would figure it out. But you and me, we can make a difference.

Join the Sun forums. Tell kids that they need to do their own work. Get Java out of schools. Do something. Quick, before it’s too late.

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One Response to “The Grand Theory on how Sun Microsystems is Killing the Human Race”

  1. Andre Says:

    You’re right.. people ask with no fore effort.. but there are also people asking how to do their work on companies! lol 🙂
    Cheers

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